


What Had Happened Was...

by sheApunk89



Series: The Softest of Wars [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherhood, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Food Fight, Gen, No Beta We Die Like Clones, Rex is so done, brothers being brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29054118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheApunk89/pseuds/sheApunk89
Summary: “Well…” Ahsoka glanced at Fives to one side and then Hardcase on the other. “We were…strategizing.”“Strategizing.” He repeated, dry as one of Yoda’s Safety in Overland Transport lectures.“Yeah. You know, planning.”“Planning. To waste our rations for the next three rotations?”OR [Fives and Ahsoka start a food fight and Rex is Not Pleased]
Relationships: 501st Legion & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano
Series: The Softest of Wars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131584
Comments: 11
Kudos: 76
Collections: Open Source Soft Wars





	What Had Happened Was...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Project0506](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/gifts).



> Wrote most of this like a year ago and forgot about it. Found it today. Enjoy!
> 
> Set in the Soft Wars AU by Project0506. As all good things are.

Rex stalked through the halls of the Resolute, barely containing his urge to slam innocent shinies against the bulkhead to get out of his way. He rounded the corner to the mess hall and heard voices of glee and shouted empty threats the closer he got. When State had told him what was happening in the mess he hadn’t wanted to believe him. He didn’t run the tightest ship, he knew. The rest of the commanders considered Torrent company to be barely tame, definitely willing to eat off the floor. 

Which was true but beside the point.

So he believed in letting his men grow into themselves, find their own way as much as they could in the bare minimum of leeway they were bestowed by the GAR. 

But even he had standards. 

“Have you lost your fucking minds?” He bellowed, upon entering the chaos of the Mess. 

It took a moment for the shouting and laughter to stop, and in those few moments between all out ruckus and bone chilling realization of Rex’s presense…Rex was hit square in the face with a ladle full of mashed root. 

There was a gasp and the sound of thirty men coming to attention, their sudden silence only broken by a mysterious dripping sound coming from the direction of the back corner of the mess. 

And it had never lived up to its name more than in this moment. 

Achingly slowly and stiff as if he’d just been pulled out of a tenday stint in bacta, Rex reached up and pulled his helmet off, turning it in his hands to look at the splatter of food across the front. Slowly, slowly, he lifted his gaze to sweep across the room. Most of the men were in blacks or half armor, shiny and veteran alike coated head to to in sauce, slop, stew and a host of other things Rex wasn’t even sure he recognized, let alone could be sure were edible. 

HIs eyes drifted to the small group closest and narrowed. 

“Fives. Commander.” He greeted, voice like ice. 

Ahsoka beamed and waved. 

“Hi Rexter.” 

His answering smile was brittle and not at all sincere. 

“Care to explain this?” 

“Well…” Ahsoka glanced at Fives to one side and then Hardcase on the other. “We were…strategizing.” 

“Strategizing.” He repeated, dry as one of Yoda’s Safety in Overland Transport lectures. 

“Yeah. You know, planning.” 

“Planning. To waste our rations for the next three rotations?” 

“Well no.” The young Togruta reached up with her left hand to scratch under her lekku. “We were talking about the upcoming campaign on Felucia and…some of the men had differing opinions and…one thing led to another and…” She gestured helplessly around the destroyed room and semi-contrite troopers and was that meiloorun on the ceiling?

“I see.” 

“It was all my fault, Rex, don’t blame them.” Ahsoka stepped forward, only to be shoved back bodily by Fives. 

“No way Commander. Sir, this is just a misunderstanding.” 

Rex let his eyes go back pointedly to his visor and then back up to Fives. “Hard to misunderstand this, Fives.” 

“Well that, sir, you see,” Fives fumbled, scratching the back of his neck and looking to Ahsoka for help. The Jedi stared back at him as if she’d forgotten how to speak Basic. “That, uh,”

“Yes?”

“That...was Baby.”

“Hey!” Someone, presumably the accused trooper in question, shouted from the back of the room. Moments later a spoonful of vegetable mash arced through the air and splattered against the side of Fives’ head which was not already smeared with three flavors of pudding. 

“What the kark,” Fives screeched, starting to turn around while Hardcase and Ahsoka attempted to stifle their snickers. Jesse wasn’t even trying.

“Hey!” Rex barked. This time when the room went silent the only sound that broke it was the whirring of the small, disk shaped janitor droids spinning around the floor beeping irritably, no doubt cursing their design and purpose. 

Rex took a deep breath and submitted the entire group to the full brunt of his Captain Stare for an unprecedented minute and a half. 

“You are all dismissed back to the barracks.” He said, his tone unexpectedly even. To their credit, none of the men moved. Rex breathed a silent sigh of relief that the emtyheadedness that had lead to this situation was a single lapse in judgment and not a viral outbreak of stupidity among his ranks.

Cody would never let him live it down. 

“Is...that all sir?” Asked Hardcase, brave, brave man that he was. 

Rex cut his eyes to the heavy gunner and then smiled, sharp and full of teeth. A full grown alpha Nexu eyeing its next meal. 

“Of course, Hardcase.” Rex waited. Eventually the men began cautiously moving. He held, biding his time, until the first few men had slipped past him, giving him the berth of an unexploded land mine, and were almost to the door before he spoke again. 

“And once you’ve all retrieved your toothbrushes, you can come back here and start cleaning up this mess.”

The effect was immediate and devastating, groans that ranged the gamut of mildly annoyed to resigned to horrified played around him with symphonic variation. 

“Except you Commander.” Rex said, turning toward the silent Togruta. 

“Oh?”

“Yes, you are of course, exempt.” He assured her, amiable as anything and a complete lie. She eyed him warily. 

“I really think I should-“

“No no, l insist,” he turned waving an arm toward he door, through the throng of frozen soldiers eyeing them like a speeder rash.

“General Kenobi wanted me to let you know we have already rendezvoused with Master Nu’s shuttle.”

Ahsoka’s eyes went wide and worried as realization dawned. Rex grinned. 

“We have?”

“Yes. And she is very excited to have you work with her on cataloging the relics found at that recently discovered ancient Temple.”

“She is?”

“Yes sir.”

“But, Rex, it wouldn’t be fair for me to get out of cleaning up all this, after all I was one of the ones that started it, I should really...”

“Don’t worry, Commander, I'm sure the men can handle it. I’d be more than happy to escort you to her transport so you don’t miss her.”

“Oh...” she looked around, almost frantic, and met Fives’ dull gaze, looking as if he’d also forgotten how to speak Basic. Apparently it was catching. “Um. Thanks, Rex. I guess.”

“My pleasure Commander.”

Ahsoka’s shoulders slumped but she dutifully followed the Captain’s deferential wave to lead the way to the door. Rex trailed behind her, only stopping once he was in the corridor to turn back and address the men. 

“Oh and, once you’ve gotten this room clean enough to serve General Kenobi his favorite taka root soup off the floor, I would recommend you all get an early night, since you all just volunteered for the first restocking shift in the main cargo bay at 0400.”

Rex almost felt sorry for the men as their indignant squawks of surprise and protestwere cut off by the closing of the Mess hall doors. 

Then he looked down at the grey-brown gravy drying in the air filters of his bucket. 

And he decided he wasn’t sorry at all. 


End file.
